It is the season for the beginning of the NFL. Fa la la la la, la la la la. For men, this often means studying stats, drafting fantasy players, and dedicating every Sunday for the rest of the year to one thing: the game. For women, the start of the NFL can mean the exact same thing or it can mean something completely different.

The first kickoff can mean that women have the ability to tell their husbands anything on Sunday (that they wrecked the car, that they’re having an affair, that they used to be men) and their husbands will say, “Oh, that’s great.” honey.” Soccer, in short, leaves many men in a trance, from August to February.

Men’s obsession with soccer is understandable: it’s a fun game to watch. However, why is this obsession usually only limited to the male species? Soccer is a sport played by handsome, well-built men who wear tight clothing. So why aren’t more women watching it?

Some women can be easily frustrated by the rules and laws of the game, but nothing in the game is above female understanding. All that is needed is a basic understanding.

The essentials: Soccer is a battle between two teams, each team strives to score more points than the other by advancing a ball made of pigskin; it is a game based on selfish motives: all the players want the ball, all the teams want to win, and nobody feels sorry for the pig.

Eleven men from each team are on the field at one time. Players with possession of the ball are called offensive players; Your goal is to move the ball around the field and score points. They can advance by throwing the ball, running the ball, or flirting with the referees. Players without the ball are called defenders and their goal is to regain possession of the ball by stopping the offense. This can be done by intercepting the ball (catching a pass intended for an offensive player), recovering a fumble (catching a ball that has been dropped by an offensive player), pushing an offensive player out of bounds, or tackling (throwing knock down an offensive player until at least one of his knees touches the ground).

Ten-yard increments on a 100-yard field are the cornerstone of the game (yes, ladies, this only further perpetuates men’s obsession with length). The offense gets four downs (or chances) to go these ten yards. If a team advances ten yards, they are awarded a first down and four more opportunities to advance ten more yards. If they don’t go ten yards, the coaches yell, innocent clipboards are thrown to the ground, and possession is handed over to the other team. The roles are then reversed.

References: Each soccer game is supervised by seven officials who are strategically located in certain areas of the field. The general rule is simple: whenever the referees make a call for the opposing team, they are considered blind degenerates by nature who must be dragged out into the street and shot. If the opposing team wins, it is always, always the referee’s fault.

Weather: A football game is divided into four 15-minute quarters and a 12-minute halftime break. Because the clock stops with each incomplete pass, when a player goes off the field, when a penalty kick is committed, or when a team calls a time-out, time in soccer is not real time. Women should note that a reversal of ideology that allows men to describe a two-minute romp in the sack as a “full night of lovemaking” applies to football and each quarter will always be longer than fifteen minutes. A good rule of thumb is to multiply the number of minutes on the game clock by three. If there are ten minutes left in the game, assume that those ten minutes will take half an hour.

Punctuation: There are five ways a team can generate points in a soccer game. They can score a touchdown, get an extra point, score a two-point conversion, kick a field goal, or get a safety.

To land: A touchdown is worth six points and is awarded to the offense when the ball crosses the goal line into the end zone, or is caught in the end zone by an offensive player. The defense can also score a touchdown by running an intercepted ball or a fumble recovery into their own end zone.

Point after landing: After a touchdown, coaches can choose to go for an extra point. An extra point, or point after touchdown (PAT), involves placing the ball at the 2-yard line and having the kicker kick the ball through the studs. A PAT, due to its simplicity, is generally considered safe and is worth one point.

Colon conversion: After a touchdown, coaches may opt for a two-point conversion instead of a PAT. Two-point conversions are more difficult than an extra point, and therefore are generally only used when a team is trying to tie a game, when a team is desperate, or when a team is trying to cushion their lead by a certain amount. amount of points. As a bonus point, a two-point conversion involves lining up at the two-yard line. However, instead of bringing in a kicker, the quarterback and offense stay in the game. By conceding the ball, the offense has an advantage in getting the ball into the end zone. If they are successful, two points are awarded. If they are unsuccessful, the coaches yell and the kicker, knowing he would surely have made the extra point, secretly gloats.

Field goal: If the offense is unable to score a touchdown goal while still within field goal range, they may choose to go for a field goal. Although field goals can be attempted anywhere on the field and on any attempt, most field goals are attempted within a team’s 45-yard line on fourth down. For a field goal to be successful, the ball must go over the crossbar and between the two uprights. Field goals, which are worth three points, are often the deciding factor in many last-second or overtime games.

Safety: Safeties are the rarest way to score in football; teams can go entire seasons without scoring one. They are only scored by the defense and only occur when the offensive ball carrier (usually the quarterback or running back) is tackled behind his own goal line. When this happens, the team that made the tackle receives two points. For security to be possible, the offensive team must be deeply rooted in its own territory.

Once a woman understands the basics of soccer, how it is played and how points are scored, she will be well on her way to understanding soccer in its entirety. She may not necessarily understand men who watch football, but football itself will.

When all is said and done, soccer is not a difficult sport for women to understand. It is a sport aimed at men; Thus, can not be so hard to understand.