Sometimes I hear from wives who are not as moved by their cheating husband’s tears as he would hope. For one thing, it can be extremely jarring to see your grown husband cry. On the other hand, most wives worry that he’s just putting on a show because he’s been caught. Some wives say it is quite a pitiful sight, with the husband overwhelmed with emotion but unable to look at or speak to his wife as he cries.

A wife might explain, “I don’t understand my husband’s tears. He’s like a little boy who got his hand caught in the cookie jar and spanked. I’m extremely angry with him, so I know he feels my anger.” . I try to put myself in his shoes and I know he would be sweating a lot right now if the tables were turned. So I don’t envy him at this point. But every time we try to have a conversation about it, he starts sobbing. He can’t even pronounce the words. He just cries and shakes. I’ll ask him what’s wrong and he’ll just shake his head. I’ll ask him if he has anything to say and he just shakes his head and he doesn’t even look me in the eye. Is he ashamed to be crying? Is he faking it? He’s mad at me and he doesn’t want to look at me? What are his motivations for Opening the taps? Why is he crying, but he doesn’t speak or look at me?

This is just speculation on my part, but I think a lot of it is tied up in guilt and shame. I think it probably hurts a man’s pride enough to cry and carry on repeatedly. Lots of wives think their husbands are faking it, but I think being overwhelmed by the emotion of every conversation would require a man to be a very good actor and willing to repeatedly put himself down. Not all men are going to meet this criteria. Maybe I’m naive, but I think many people (men and women included) who get caught up in an affair are sincere when they cry. I have heard of many cheating spouses in this scenario and none of them have admitted to pretending to cry. Instead, they admit to legitimate crying all the time. They are overwhelmed with emotion. In addition, they are usually very embarrassed.

I’ve never cheated, but I could only compare it to the time I was in a hurry and accidentally locked my dog ​​in the car with the keys in it. I realized what had happened right away and immediately called for help. A locksmith had to come and use tools to get the dog out. But before the locksmith arrived, he was frantically scratching at the door and looking at me confused as to why he wasn’t helping him. He started panting, pacing and panicking. When the dog came out he was hyperventilating and I was afraid this would hurt him. Even though he was finally safe and well, I cried over this incident for days afterward, even though my tears meant nothing. I was so mad at myself for getting distracted and endangering my dog ​​(who was like my son at the time). I kept thinking about the worst case scenario and it was weeks before I didn’t think about it constantly. And yes, every time I looked at my dog, I felt guilt, shame, and pain that made me cry. This went on for some time. Luckily the dog had many more happy years with me and I pampered him immensely. So, as time went by and I didn’t repeat my carelessness, I thought less and less about it.

I can only speculate, but I think being the guilty party in a betrayal as serious as an affair is an extremely heavy burden to bear. Seeing someone you love hurt so deeply has to almost rip your heart out. After the car crash incident, every time I saw my dog, I had a mental image of him panting in that hot car. And even the sight of him would make me start dancing again. I would think about how I would have felt if my carelessness had really hurt him. I’m sure her husband is feeling something similar. He sees you, and just seeing you makes him face the gravity of what he did and what he has endangered. It is painful to face this. In my case, I didn’t want to hurt my dog. He was in a rush and this made me careless. That’s why her husband’s pain has to be so much worse than mine: he knows he made a choice that could have gone either way, and he chose the choice that hurts the people he loves. And now he has to try to look those people in the eye and he can’t. He is ashamed. And embarrassed. And probably horrified by what he’s done. I cannot affirm that there are no men who do not pretend when they cry. But try to imagine if the tables were turned and you had to face your wounded husband. would you cry I know I would. I would cry repeatedly and uncontrollably, if my dog’s story is any indication. And at first I might have a hard time looking at my husband because doing so would mean I would have to see his pain, which in turn would be incredibly painful for me. It’s almost like it’s so bad you have to look away, but that’s because you’re sorry and not because you’re being insincere.