Having a live-in maid is a tricky arrangement. For the duration of her employment contract, an adult woman is “adopted” into her home, sharing her private living space. Clearly, such close and constant contact affects the privacy of both the recruiting family and the foreign maid. It is therefore surprising that many employers do not give enough thought and planning to this unique situation, to ensure personal space and privacy for everyone involved.

To live in harmony with your domestic servant, you must anticipate your family’s and maid’s privacy concerns and actively address these issues. This can be a difficult task because most people are not comfortable discussing their privacy requirements. Ignoring this uncomfortable topic would be a short-sighted tactic and a sure recipe for conflict later.

Here are some tips to help you address the issue of privacy with a live-in maid. As employers, husband and wife must speak candidly and prepare before the “stranger” enters their family home. Plan and implement what to do and what not to do to minimize any intrusion into your personal, partner and family life.

1. Adjust your displays of affection

   While holding hands, quick kisses on the cheek, and snuggling in front of the TV are probably fine, it would be wise to keep overtly romantic gestures out of the maid’s sight. Of course, sensitivity and decency are the obvious reasons for confining amorous exploits between spouses to the bedroom. A less obvious, but important reason is to avoid any feelings of loneliness and envy of your maid, who is far from her loved ones.

2. dress appropriately

   Some grown men go shirtless while lifting weights and working out at home; some walk from the shower to the wardrobe with only a towel around their waists. Some people undress and throw their clothes directly into the washing machine, wearing nothing or next to nothing next to the washing machine, in the privacy of their own homes. Breastfeeding mothers lose their inhibition when nursing their babies within the four walls of their residence. While natural, such behaviors should be tempered by the presence of a stranger in the house. Different people have different comfort levels for such exhibitionist behavior, and your servant may have a markedly more conservative upbringing.

3. Avoid confidential discussions and heated fights in front of the maid.

   Family members sometimes disagree, but always strive to resolve disputes in private, enlisting the maid’s support for neither party. She learns to resolve domestic disputes quickly and amicably. Protracted disputes between employers are embarrassing, both for the participants and the witnesses! (A member shares her personal experience on our maid forum [http://www.maidaware.com/forum/index.php?topic=8.msg30#msg30].)

4. Respect the personal space of each occupant of the house

   Everyone should have their own time and space to engage in private thoughts and activities, such as grooming, leisure, and rest. Promote respect for privacy in your home and seek the cooperation and understanding of your domestic worker to participate in some activities without her participation. For example, you might want to plan a biweekly movie date with your spouse or an outing with the kids to your grandparents’ house without the maid coming along. At the same time, respect your servant’s need for free time to meet her own friends, and support her need to communicate regularly with her family back home.

5. Keep an open channel of communication with your domestic worker

   Our cultural and social conditioning influences our thoughts and behavior. Despite your best intentions and efforts, your housekeeper may feel uncomfortable with certain practices in your home. Instead of letting frustration get the better of you, you should solicit their input from time to time. Sometimes it can be a small and simple issue that is easily resolved once it becomes known. To cite one example, our maid was made uncomfortable by a neighbor’s harmless interaction with our one-year-old. This old man leaned over to pat our daughter’s head and lull her to sleep. I thought it was a friendly and touching gesture, and he would hold her in my arms while the neighbor talked and played with her. During a recent casual conversation, our maid finally revealed her fear and wariness of such close contact with a stranger. You are concerned about chance encounters with this neighbor. As my employee, she felt compelled to emulate my friendly disposition toward the man, which goes against his basic instincts. Aware of her sentiment of “privacy violation,” I politely spoke to the neighbor and resolved this underlying issue quickly and successfully.

Sharing your home with a live-in maid usually involves some sacrifice in personal space and privacy. This is especially so in the small, cramped living spaces of urban apartments for middle-income Asian families. With proper preparation and management, employers and domestic workers can work and live in harmony side by side.

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