Written by Randi Fine, Narcissistic Abuse Expert and Coach

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine

Have you ever noticed how the goalpost keeps moving when it comes to a narcissist? Rules, expectations, behaviors, and conducts are consistently inconsistent.

Narcissists use random and varied tactics of fear and confusion to condition their targets. The goal is to prevent them from ever reaching a state of equilibrium; to make them defenseless, obedient and therefore controllable.

It is impossible to beat narcissists at their game. If you fight them, you will lose. All attempts will be useless. You will be decimated every time.

You can’t beat them at their game, but you can easily learn how to play it. You can level the playing field once you understand what motivates them.

Narcissists are by far the least original species on the planet. They are not complex beings and are not motivated by the same things as non-narcissistic people; pain and pleasure. The false self of narcissists also does not allow them to feel. Narcissists are motivated solely by adoration, admiration, and attention, also known as supply or fuel. They spend every hour of the day chasing it. Manipulation, abuse and control tactics are used to request, maintain and possess it.

When planning to confront a narcissist in mediation, the best approach is one taken directly from the narcissist’s playbook: keep him off balance. This is accomplished by changing strategy throughout the mediation process.

The first step in planning your mediation strategy is to identify your options. Although you may feel defeated, as if you’ve hit a wall in your defense and your opponent has already won, take a step back from your point of view to get a different perspective. Understand that there are always options. Take back your power.

Carefully read the narcissist’s allegations and complaints. Find areas where your opponent contradicts himself and/or makes ridiculous non-target demands. Highlight all the lies being told about you and then propose simple statements you can make to expose them.

Preparation and execution are equally important. Throughout the mediation process, remember that it doesn’t matter what narcissists say. It only matters what you know.

The tips shared in this article are tried and true. They can really change the game.

NOever:

• React to anything the narcissist says, no matter how triggering

• Show fear, frustration or anger

• Act restless or nervous

• accuse or insult

• Act defensive about anything you are falsely accused of.

• blame shift

• cry or become hysterical

• Bring up irrelevant facts or claims you never made before to strengthen your position

• If the opponent has a lawyer present, do not argue with him or her.

Randomly change the following strategies (in no particular order):

• Just say “NO” to the things you refuse to budge on. Without explanation. Just say “NO”.

• Express facts in a non-emotional way.

• He talks very slow. This drives narcissists crazy.

• Use flattery. If you’ve never done this or haven’t done it in a long time, don’t worry. You will be surprised. Narcissists eat these things!

• Say “you know that’s not true” or “that’s not true” to lie. No explanation or argument required. Just say those words.

• Shut off your emotional faucet. Do not give any supplies at all.

Disarm the narcissist by keeping the strategic objective in motion. Your narcissistic ex or future will not expect these types of behaviors from you and you will lose your sense of balance. The calmer you stay and the slower you speak, the more agitated your opponent will be, later revealing his true nature.

It is important for you to understand that everything about narcissistic abuse is counterintuitive. Any decision made with your logical mind or based on the advice of a layman will lead you in the wrong direction. For unparalleled support and achieving the best possible outcome, enlist the help of a Narcissistic Abuse Coach and/or Divorce Coach. The experience and wisdom they can offer you is invaluable and well worth the cost, which relative to the benefit is minimal.