Many people believe in love at first place. They believe that in an instant they will know who they should be with for the rest of their lives. Unfortunately, these unrealistic expectations often end in divorce.

On the other hand, some couples take 10 or 15 years to get to know each other before marriage. They will live together, make major purchases, and even have children, before committing to marriage. Unfortunately, many of these marriages also end in divorce because even though they made a head (and maybe even a heart) commitment, the couple didn’t know how to make a soul commitment.

Finally, some people remain unhappily single. They want to get married, but find themselves playing games and dating without setting realistic personal goals for their future.

Maybe you are one of the people I mentioned above. You’re in a relationship (or expecting one) and you’re wondering, “Is this it? Have I really found my soul mate?”

What if I told you that meeting your soul mate is more about knowing who you are and your level of commitment, rather than finding the “perfect match” to complete you?

I mention this because I came across a book called Sacred Marriage: What if God designed marriage to make us holy rather than happy? He got me thinking about how true soulmate relationships are formed: God prepares each individual and brings him to a point where his souls can be effectively united for his purposes.

With this thought in mind, here are three ways for you to recognize your soul mate:

1. Communication between the two of you is transparent. “In his excellent book Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? John Powell outlines the five levels of communication: cliché, fact, opinion, emotion, and transparency.” — From Starting Your Marriage Right, by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

Transparent communication means that you and your partner can move beyond clichés, facts, opinions, and emotions to a level where you are both vulnerable, but where the truth prevails in your relationship. Transparency doesn’t come quickly for most people, but when it does, freedom isn’t far behind. Transparency only comes with courage, non-judgmental attitudes, and most importantly, trust. And this brings me to my next point.

2. You and your soul mate will trust each other completely. That means you don’t have to wonder if your loved one is doing something inappropriate, without thinking about your well-being or without good judgment. Trust arises when words and actions align to form a cohesive image of the person you love.

3. You and your soul mate know the meaning of unconditional love. One can say, “Keishia, how can you believe in such a concept these days? This kind of love never happens in real life.” I’m here to say yes. If you’ve read some of my other articles, you’ll notice all the things that need to be stripped from a person’s character—selfishness, pride, and jealousy—to get there. We cannot get there by our own will, but by God’s grace and understanding of his nature. No matter how hard we try with our own strength and conviction, relying on divine intervention is the only way to get rid of these three character flaws.

Ultimately, successful soulmates aren’t just born in some time or space to connect by sheer coincidence. They are made over time to be together for a lifetime. If you’re wondering where yours is, look inside and up and you’re sure to discover more of what you’ve been looking for.