Have you met someone you thought was your soulmate only to find out that yes, the person is your soulmate, but they are also toxic? Just because you’ve met someone who fits the profile of a toxic soulmate doesn’t mean leaving the person is your only option. I’ll tell you why in a minute.

I have clients tell me they met a great guy or girl but had to end the relationship because the new love was too toxic. Has this happened to you? Expect! Before you close the door on someone who might turn out to be a perfectly lovable person, listen to this: There is a simple psychology that can turn a toxic partner into a loving soulmate. Toxic soulmates and toxic dates are adorable. You just have to know how to help them in a non-threatening way.

In this article, I will teach you, using a case study and effective relationship questions, how you can turn a relationship with a toxic soulmate into a healthy and lasting relationship.

When men or women have had a bad experience, they sometimes hold on to the emotional pain and may even bring up their experience during a date or other time when they are with their current love interest. No one wants to go on a date or be in someone’s company when they have to listen to the person prattling over and over about how bad men are or how conceited women are. However, it is important to realize that the complaint is often a cry for love and attention: human beings are more fragile than we often realize. For others, it is simply a form of venting, and if they are allowed to vent, the person may get over her anger or disappointment and be able to have a healthy and lasting relationship.

Be patient. Try to put yourself in the shoes of your soul mate or date. How would you like to be treated if in a previous love relationship you were abused or taken advantage of and then abandoned? Not a great feeling, right? Don’t leave your potential soul mate until you’ve done your part by really listening to find out what the problem is and then offering more love and support. If nothing seems to work, consider her own health and well-being, and then leave the person if that is indeed the best option.

But often the toxic partner can change if you are willing to help them do so. If your soulmate is too toxic to love and be with, if your date is nothing more than poison on two legs, don’t despair, there is light at the end of the tunnel. The experience I will share below will show you how you can help heal the person.

A client came to see me about how difficult it was for her to find the right man. According to her, she had met a man whom she loved, but her relationship did not turn into marriage as she expected. Confused and discouraged, she told me that she was worried that she would never find the right man. This woman seemed kind and sincere, and she was one of the most beautiful women she had ever had as a client. She was exotic and sensual, brimming with sex appeal. But the men would not stay with her.

I began the counseling session with a simple request: Tell me how you feel about dating and relationships and about finding your soulmate. She started:

Client: Men are idiots. They just want sex. They don’t care about women.
Me: why do you say that?
Client: Because every time I meet a man and we have a relationship, we always end up breaking up. I worry about getting old and not having children.
Me: How so? Are you saying that just because the men you’ve met so far didn’t turn out to be what you wanted them to be, all men are the same?
Client: Yes, they are. I’m so sick of men; I don’t want to waste my dating time anymore. Not worth it.
Me: But if you feel like that and say that kind of thing, what do you think will happen?
Client: Will I not find the man I’m ultimately looking for?
Me: You got it. You will block any opportunity you have to meet the type of man you want to be with, who will fulfill your needs, the type of man you want to be with forever. My concern is, how do you know that the next person you cut out isn’t your soulmate? What do you think you should do to find that person, Efa?
Efa: Give men a chance?
Me: Bingo. What kind of man are you looking for?
Efa: I don’t want a boy to take me to the movies or to dinner. I want a man who likes to go out somewhere and just sit and talk. I want to be intellectually stimulated.
Me: What kind of conversation do you have with the men you’ve dated? Is it something like this: “Men just want sex.”
Efa: Yes, it is true. Men just want sex.
Me: Has it ever occurred to you that maybe your dates are leaving because you’re too critical of men and tell them all they want is sex?
Efa thought for a minute. I could see that she was beginning to understand what she was trying to explain to her. I then continued our conversation.
Me: So if you met someone who could satisfy your needs, you would fall in love with him, right?
Immediately, Efa looked at me and smiled. Her teeth were pure white and she had the most beautiful smile.

I said, “Have you tried auditioning for America’s Next Top Model?” Efa informed me that several people had asked her the same question.

When we finally ended the session, I reinforced the principle that she shouldn’t judge all men as bad just because of some she had met who had dumped her, and that she should stop telling her current love interest that all men are idiots. , but that she must treat men as if they were wonderful, and then she would find a wonderful man.

In the conversation recounted above, it is obvious what the woman wanted. She didn’t want a relationship based simply on sex. She was looking to connect with a man on a different level, a higher level. She was looking for a soulmate with whom she could build a lasting relationship.

When you’re on a date, if you meet someone who you feel is your soulmate but the person is toxic, go into the mind of the date or soulmate and discover two things:

First, what is really bothering the person? And second, what does the person really need and how can you meet their needs to make a lasting loving relationship between the two of you possible?

By asking the important questions above and then really listening to your partner’s answers and being understanding and patient and working to meet their needs, you can help a toxic date or soulmate become lovable to you.