As a marriage begins to mature, the partners involved often become so comfortable with each other that each assumes the other can read their minds. In fact, it is something that most of us of the female gender dream of. Who doesn’t want to be married to a man who can anticipate your every thought? However, most men are not designed that way and if you feel that you and your husband are not on the same wavelength, it can lead to endless conflict. Expressing your feelings to your husband is obviously important if you want your marriage to be balanced and happy, but sometimes it can be a challenge to tell him how you feel. Writing her a letter is often a great approach because it gives you time to collect your thoughts and express them in a non-confrontational way.

Here are several tips to help you write a letter to your husband:

Be compassionate. If you feel like your husband isn’t paying attention to you like he used to or if you’re struggling with a conflict you’re both currently working on, don’t start your letter by accusing him of something negative. The moment he reads that you think he’s wrong, he’ll shut down and anything you’ve written after that statement won’t be absorbed by him at all. Keep the tone of your letter compassionate and non-accusatory. Your goal is to convey his point of view as clearly and kindly as possible.

Don’t mention things from the distant past. It can be very difficult not to feel resentment towards your husband if you have been distancing yourself from him for some time. However, this is not the time to mention something he did a few months or a year ago. You can’t fix a marriage by living in the past. Your focus should be on the future and your letter should be written with that in mind. Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of bombarding him with a list of everything he’s done wrong since you got married. That’s not fair to him.

Mention the changes you would like to make in yourself. Although you may feel like your husband is to blame for all the negativity consuming your marriage, it takes two to make things work. We could all stand to make some personal improvements and you need to be honest with yourself about what you can do to become a more loving and supportive wife. Sometimes a man will spend less time focusing on making his wife happy because he feels taken for granted. Be as honest as possible with yourself about what you can do to improve your marriage.

Share how much you love and value him. Men thrive knowing that their partner truly appreciates their unique qualities. If your husband has heard nothing but negative comments from you, he will have a profound impact on your self-esteem. He will strive to be a better partner for you if he feels that you appreciate him just the way he is. Thank him in the letter for all the positive things he brings to your life. Mention what a good father he is and how grateful he is for his contributions to the family and their marriage. If you build his self-esteem by letting him know you’re glad you married him, he’ll be willing to start working on improving the marriage for both of you.

Once you have finished writing the letter to your husband, put it aside for a day or two. It is recommended because it gives you time to rethink what you want to say. After some time has passed, she reads the letter again and adds anything else you want to say.

Present the letter to your husband when he is relaxed and happy. Prepare him by telling him that his marriage is the most important relationship in his life and that he wants it to be stronger and more fulfilling for both of you. If you give it to him in a positive way like this, it’s much more likely to be received well by him.