How do you show a speaker that you are really listening to what they are saying?

When we talk to someone, the actual words we choose convey part of the meaning, but only part of it. Much of the meaning is conveyed by tone of voice and physical expression, especially undertones of sarcasm, emotion, or humor. Make sure your tone of voice and body language demonstrate a full understanding of the nuances of the speaker’s tone of voice.

Empathic paraphrase measures

Your empathic paraphrase is totally interchangeable when the speaker feels they have accurately captured your thoughts and feelings. It often coincides with an excited burst of energy or a “Yes!” enthusiastic.

subtractive:

The most common way your paraphrase will be inaccurate: You don’t capture all of the speaker’s key ideas. That is, the paraphrase has subtracted something from what was said. The speaker says, “I’m worried about A, B, and C.” The paraphrased reads: “You are worried about A and B.”

Additive:

The next most likely way your paraphrase will be inaccurate: We hear what we want to hear, and we focus on our own ideas. Then we add statements that the speaker did not make. Speaker: “I’m worried about A, B, and C.” The paraphrased reads: “You are worried about A, B, C, L and R.”

interpretative:

Instead of paraphrasing what was said, offer your interpretation of what you think the speaker meant. You listen to A, B, and C and say “I get the impression that what you’re really talking about is G.”

interpretive paraphrase

Interpretive paraphrasing is a double-edged sword. Interpreting the speaker too soon often makes him think that you are not listening, that you are more in love with your own theories than with the speaker’s thoughts.

First, understand the needs and perspective of the other. This not only validates your business partner or customer and builds trust, but also allows you to better align your ideas, solutions, or products with their needs or values. The result: a deeper satisfaction with the interaction, a better relationship and a higher probability of association.

witty interruption

As we begin to paraphrase more deeply, we often cannot remember everything the speaker has said. The solution is to interrupt the speaker before he fills up our “buffer”. Speakers don’t mind being interrupted if their purpose is solely to paraphrase for understanding. “Excuse me, I want to make sure I get it right. Do you think…”

How to cleverly interrupt:

1. Use a gesture – a signal to “wait” for a moment:

– Make the time-out signal with a smile.

– Make a sharp cut gesture.

– Rise your hand.

2. Turn up the volume to “overcome” the speaker.

3. Give your face an expression of expectation, excitement, alarm, or concern.

4. Lean in closer, suddenly.

5. Use a phrase:

– “Let me make sure I get this…”

– “I want to understand this…”

– “So you’re saying that…”

– “Aah, I think I get it! You…”

parrot

Start sharpening your paraphrasing skills. Practice “repeating” what another person says: every thought uttered, using as many of their exact words as possible. That is, it will try to repeat exactly what is said. As we move towards the full model, it won’t be so literal. Instead, you’ll capture the gist of what’s being said using the speaker’s keywords.

1. LISTEN

Phase 1 of the process occurs when you listen to another person.

speak.

2. PARROTS

Repeat as many of the other person’s exact words as possible.

3.CHECK

Make sure you have accurately captured each other’s thoughts. Mark, “Is that

Right?” Interpret anything other than an unequivocal yes as “no.” Try again.

paraphrase with empathy

Paraphrase in a way that captures “the gist” of all the important points the speaker is making. Use the key words of the speakers. (We all feel more comfortable with our own words and know what we mean by them.) Work to make sure your tone of voice, mannerisms, and energy level match the speaker’s.

When should I paraphrase?

Paraphrase:

1. To make sure you understand the other party. If there is any doubt about its meaning, paraphrase. The act of paraphrasing can help you bring together seemingly disparate pieces of content into a cohesive concept. Often the speaker’s meaning will only become clear to you when you try to paraphrase it.

2. To show the other party that you really DO understand what they are saying. An interchangeable paraphrase is the only technique we know of that will do this.

3. To build the report. People like to feel understood.

4. When the situation is emotionally charged. This helps defuse the conflict. When the other party feels that they have been heard and understood, they tend to feel calmer and more open to their point of view.

5. To listen more closely. When your mind wanders, remember to “prepare to paraphrase.” Strong paraphrasing is rewarding.

6. To play the speaker’s message. This is useful if what they have said doesn’t make sense or seems absurd. Once they hear it, they often rephrase it into a more cohesive message.

7. When you hear emotional language and emotional buttons. The speaker mentions these points because they have strong feelings. When you paraphrase indiscriminately, the speaker will feel satisfied that “you got it.” For example:

– We’re excited about…

– We fight with…

– I have been a loyal customer for 5 years and now you…

– I put my ass on the line and now…

emphatic tone

People don’t give enough weight to the “empathic” aspect of empathic paraphrasing. An empathic paraphrase is characterized by “empathy”; that is the ability to understand the situation, feelings and emotions of others. Many of us begin by remembering what the other said, but are unable to grasp the emotional tone of the speaker. Empathy supports our ability to connect with another person and respond in a way that builds deeper relationships.

If you repeat the speaker’s words in a dispassionate and objective tone, you have not empathically paraphrased. Listen to the speaker’s emotions, feelings, and wishes, then intone the speaker’s voice and use your face and gesture in a way that reflects your understanding of the speaker’s emotional state.

If another person is very excited, showing your own emotion while paraphrasing is appropriate. However, in other situations, you can get into trouble simply by mirroring the speaker’s emotion. If someone is expressing fear or anger, echoing these feelings will only add to the unpleasant feelings. Instead, perhaps softening your voice to a soothing tone that reflects a confident calm will support them with ease.

If you are expressing intense anger, paraphrasing with intense concern or regret will ensure that you understand how strongly you feel.

listening

Practice the technique at work with colleagues, in social situations, or at home with family. Notice how people tend to respond when they feel like you’re really listening and understanding.

These techniques have made our interactions more fruitful and smoothed out challenging client exchanges. Give it a try.