What feeling do you have when you think about making a change?

If you’re at work, your reaction might be “Here we go again!”, “Looks like we just changed that!”, “This must be the new flavor of the day,” and many more thoughts of disbelief or being ready for what you consider “stability”.

Depending on your circumstances at home, the change may occur rarely or very often. If it’s just the two of you (or even just you!), change can happen rarely or happen at a pace you dictate. If you have a child, or several children, you can bet that change is a constant in your home. If you are a family made up of children from two or more families, fasten your seat belt! You are on the ride called “Roller Coaster of Change”!

I’m going to share with you several things you can do to help mitigate the impact that constant and unexpected change will have on you. Why is this important? Just assume that change meant something positive to you. Consider how that would affect your stress level and your mental and physical health. If reducing your stress level and improving your mental and physical health is important to you, keep reading.

First, think about how change causes you stress. When you consider it, you discover that there is a meaning, an association, a link, a trigger or anchor, that you have given to the change. It is very much like a mathematical equation; if this happens, then this is the result. “If things don’t go as planned, then nothing is right.” “If one thing in my plan is interrupted, then nothing works in the rest of the plan.” It’s a lot like saying, “The way I planned it is the only way it’s going to work.” At work, it might be something like this; “If they change that, then I’ll have to work harder.” “When they make that change, it means _________.” Do you see the association that we often make with change? Why do we make that association? Here are some reasons I’ve found:

1. A learned response. When we were children, we observed the behaviors and attitudes of our parents. If we saw them get upset because things didn’t go as planned, we learned that as the correct response to change.

2. A learned association. We had several moments, maybe even just one traumatic moment, where the change caused something to happen that we labeled “bad,” “horrible,” “unacceptable,” or some other term. Using the “If-Then” statement, our neurons have made the association “If this happens (change), then something ‘bad’ happens.”

3. Change that we personally do not initiate can also be associated with not being in control. To the extent that you feel the need to be in control, you will find change frustrating.

Second, set the appropriate expectation. You’ve heard the truism, “The only constant is change.” Even if change is imperceptible, such as at the subatomic level, it is truly a constant in our lives. By accepting change as part of life, it allows us to enjoy life to the fullest. In fact, here are two more truisms:

1. What we resist, persist

2. What we accept dissolves and transforms

By resisting change, we actually harden it and make it stronger. Have you ever noticed that? Think of a time when you really resisted change. You can still feel the stress and anxiety of change, right? No matter how hard you tried to move on, the change happened and it still persists. However, if you allow the change to happen and accept it, even now, you will notice a release of stress and anxiety. I wonder if you will notice something transform, maybe into something else, something unexpected and something that was better than what you were resisting.

Finally, modern psychology, neuroscience, and ancient religious philosophy affirm the following: when a person learns to allow emotions to flow through the body; accepting the positive and letting go of the negative is when you will find peace, happiness and contentment. They also agree that living in the present also generates positive states and experiences.

So I encourage you to learn to embrace change with open arms and to associate good and powerful experiences when heading into the unknown. Be like a child on Christmas morning who anticipates the exciting things to come!